Ok, first things first: I DO NOT currently feel at all like the post below. I just found this on my computer, and realized that I basically wrote two different things about the same incident, which is a few posts below this one - YES, the one about my being depressed over Hugh Jackman... The one called Realizations.
I was REALLY upset, and probably part of it was because I was punchy. I typed up a rough draft, then saved and ignored it. The below text is what I originally wrote about that incident.
Also, please note that this is out of date, as tomorrow HJ will be in Los Angeles, getting his star on the Walk of Fame (it's open to the public, and I can't even freakin' go - Damned school!) He hasn't been in Australia for quite a while now.
Again: DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME! I'M FINE! I'M HAPPY! THIS IS OLD!
I think I have sufficiently broken down enough to write something.
Realization's a bitch. Yes, a large cliché, but still the truth. When I woke up yesterday, I was still the same shallow dreamer as pretty much every other person on the planet. I still dreamed of meeting my celebrity idols, and having them respect me as much as I respect and admire them.
I was wrong. Simple as that. No celebrity gives a fuck, especially since they have their own lives to lead, regardless of how many fans they have or how much success those fans bring them.
I think I really realized this when I was on Twitter earlier. Hugh Jackman is my favorite actor, and I check his Twitter several times a day. The latest thing he posted was a picture of himself and a fan who had created his own set of Wolverine claws. I know that he's currently in Australia, promoting the hell out of Wolverine, but somehow, just looking at that picture, I realized that the fantasy was broken.
I knew as I tormented myself by staring for long minutes at that picture that I would NEVER be that fan, smiling and happy in the picture with a celebrity that I idolize. I'm just one of the millions, deceiving myself into believing that I COULD be that person. Doesn't mean it's ever gonna happen, but that's exactly what delusions are.
I think many of my favorite book characters have it right: Life's a bitch and then you die.